She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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