I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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