Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
