Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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