So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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