is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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