sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
