We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
