So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
