she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
