I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
