see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
