Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
