its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
