She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
