I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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