Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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