My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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