dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wanna go halves on a baby?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
