Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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