I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
