im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
