an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
