i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
