super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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