The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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