I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
