3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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