Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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