Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Panties = found
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
