There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
