he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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