when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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