i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
