bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
