yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
