I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
