im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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