i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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