oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
