Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
