I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
