The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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