Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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