I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize