If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
