Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
