Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
