Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
two words: eviction party
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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