11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
