She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
