god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
