Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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