My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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