Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
