I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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