Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
