You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
