he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
