The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
