matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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