He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
