When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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