a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
