I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
