i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
