Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
