I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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